Living in darkness
I realize that this is not a very traditional way of introduction, ( if you are interested in my professional bio please click here) but I want to share my personal story with you. Life brings us many challenges, many that are good and move us forward in life and many others that we feel stuck with. I have to admit that for many years I have preferred the easy way in life. Getting what I have asked for, enjoying the benefits of living in a big town, the ability to move to a different state or even continent, when I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, all this came at a price, high stress and later increased health problems, but at the time I didn’t want to see it. The only thing that mattered to me was that I could see myself as being successful in life. I thought that I was following my dream. Coming from Europe, from a family that struggled to provide children with basics, I felt that having University education and a great job meant finding purpose in life and also all I had to do to be set in life. I trusted our health care system to take care of my health and our government to ensure the safety and goodness of our food. I believed that my education gave me the information that I needed to make good decisions in life and to provide for myself through hard work. I can’t believe how wrong I was. I hope my personal story also helps someone else to see things differently and to become motivated to start making better decisions in the future.
My Journey
I was born in Europe during the time of socialism, under the communist regime. As a child, I didn’t know that the world could have been different, that my parents could have traveled and stores could be selling interesting articles coming from an unknown “capitalist” world. So, for many years this was not my real problem. I also didn’t know that frequent fights between parents, alcohol abuse and lack of loving environment were not how a child should be raised. For many years I refused to admit that there was anything wrong with my life. However, I had health troubles in my childhood that went overlooked. Everybody around me was too busy with their problems. My occasional belly aches, constantly cold hands and feet that felt like frostbites and cased excruciating pain even during mild winters were left to me to live with. As I got older I started experiencing more joint pain and was chronically constipated. Little I knew at that time that this is the beginning of big problems. Never the less, this was my life and I tried to do my best to enjoy it. My diet was fairly poor, partially due to our financial situation and partially because my body was craving white flour and sugar. Not knowing what I was doing to myself I was making a big mess of my health.
As my journey continued I went to nursing school to become a nurse. I always had a desire to help others, so this professional choice felt right. One would hope that having access to extensive medical information and becoming part of the health profession could save me from my existing and possibly even from future troubles. My life is proof that nothing could have been further from the truth. I have learned the hard way that in the medical community level of stress in your life is unimportant, symptoms are treated on an individual basis and medication or surgery is considered to be the only correct way to solve the problem. At the same time my parents got divorced and were constantly fighting each other in court. Our family split, my mother was on disability after a serious car accident and even now my health was not on the priority list. Daily struggles were much more important and there was hardly a time of money for anything else. So, by the time I was only 18, I was put on several medications for my pain, I had lost my appendix in unnecessary surgery due to misdiagnosis, had regular stomach and joint pain and was chronically constipated.
To make things only worse I was lucky enough to get accepted to study psychology at Trnava University with all the challenges of campus life, demanding study and unknown city. Those challenges presented the next five years of my life, pushing my health and diet to the side. But I bet that if you have met me then you would have not known anything except for me being a normal student getting through the school. However, at the age of 23, being newly married with a new job and house my first serious health crisis hit. Within a year my right kidney was causing me excruciating pain and the doctor that I have seen expressed concern about this level of pain and no effective treatment for my condition. Shortly after this both of my knees swelled to the point that I was unable to walk, especially using the stairs. I was literally pulling myself using stair rails just so I can move. There was no treatment either, but I was given strong medication to take long term. Likely for me, my stomach could never take hardly any medication and it was the same with this one. I had to make it through days with pain and try to find other ways to make it easier on my body to get some break.
After some time, things settle down a bit and I and my husband decided that we would like to learn a new language and try a life in a different country and we made arrangements to move to London in England. Anybody, whoever emigrated would agree that this is always a highly stressful experience. I loved London, but life was hard and stressful. Even worse were my eating habits, especially since I have used chocolate and sweets as my comfort food. I didn’t gain much weight, but that was the smaller problem. After a couple of years in London, we got our visa to move to Canada, which was our dream for years. I was so happy, not knowing what the stress of another country, cold weather and regulatory requirements of my profession will do to my health. My happiness in Canada came from my diligent and hard work which allowed me to get registered as a Psychologist and start working back in my profession. This was a huge achievement; however, it took three years of my life and lots of stress to get there. Right after my final exams, I got a great job in the health system, but my huge health problem started nearly right away. I started losing weight like crazy, was in constant pain, chronically fatigued, hardly able to function.
Since as I was working right out of the Hospital and knew all the doctors there I thought that I would get help right away. I was only right in one thing. I got seen right away, but that was the end of the good news. I was offered pain killers and future appointments with specialists. However, since my symptoms were all over, as well as my blood work, I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was told that my liver is overwhelmed with toxins and the pancreas is not producing enough insulin do digest my food. I had high markups for an autoimmune disorder, but nobody was sure which one or what to do about it. In the main time, I was in pain all over my body, just about all of my joints were swollen and I was down over 20 pounds. Let’s picture a person, who normally weighs about 136 lbs, is down to 116 in two months? In one of my doctor’s visits, I got scheduled for a special ultrasound six months from the day of my visit. That was honestly mu breaking point. As I was sitting in the doctor’s office, hearing that it would take six months to go for such a procedure, I knew deep down that I don’t have that kind of time. Nobody gave me the bad news yet, but I knew by the way my symptoms were worsening and how I was feeling, together with this continuing weight loss that in six months I will not be here. From that day on I took the charge of my health into my hands and started making different decisions and definitely moved my health to the top of my priority list.
Towards light
I have never looked back. I have lost my naïve belief that someone else can fix me and my problems. I have reached out to alternative healing methods, which saved my life. I still have to live and deal with chronic health problems, which I have tried to deny and push away most of my life. However, with a healthy lifestyle, change in eating habits, listening to my own body and understanding its needs I hardly get any symptoms, and if I do they disappear quickly. I support my organs and my immune system to allow them the best functioning possible. I eat only natural foods, rest when I need to, get exercise appropriate for me and enjoy every day. Even though my body is 12 years older than at the time of my health crisis, my days are full of energy. I sleep well and wake up rested. That didn’t use to happen to me. I work and enjoy what I do. However, I place my health above other duties and chores I might have and some days I take care of myself first, before attending to other things. My reward is in my healthy body, my ability to not only survive but to live my life to the fullest. I am able to do things that I enjoy the most. I meet new people and spend time with them without thinking about being in pain. I travel and visit amazing places that offer experiences I never thought I will have. And I am able to enjoy my life with my lovely husband, who has been by my side during all turbulent times.
I have even changed the way I view my own profession. I have spent 20 years working as a Psychologist in various health organizations. I have seen and helped thousands of patients. I have also worked with hundreds of doctors and understand how the system works and what most people can expect. Lately, I have spent years back in school getting my Doctoral Degree. All those experiences changed my view on our life and health. Every one of us needs to understand that not even the best doctor is going to keep you healthy. There is also rarely medication that will truly heal your body. Your body is the only being that can achieve healing. You can see that every time when you cut yourself and your body takes care of the wound. It is similar to many other diseases. In today’s society, people are inclined to bad lifestyle choices and health habits. By meeting with many of my clients I have learned that with a typical diet and sedentary lifestyle, the majority of people have some chronic ailment affecting one or more of their vital organs. It seems that everyone has something wrong with them! They consider it the normal way of life to be dependent on the shots they are taking, the operations they have had or are going to have, the pills they are taking and the misery they are suffering.
My own health crisis taught me to look for answers where people have been successful before. Trusting that there is not just a pill to take to ease off the pain, but look deeper to see if this part of the body or an organ can be healed again. Understanding that if the body has a health condition (I call it a weak point) there is a way to support this body’s part, which will allow for better health and functioning. I have implemented many lifestyle changes to learn that many conditions are made better or worse by our eating habits. Also, people suffering from chronic fatigue function much better, once they support their digestion and get rest based on their condition. Even as a Psychologist I can say that many so-called “mental health” conditions respond well to our lifestyle changes and research supports that. I hope that my story and disclosure was interesting and beneficial to you. This is the best I can do in sharing details about my journey to sickness and back to health. I wish you would open your mind and allow yourself to see that your health should be your highest priority and that any adjustment to your life that you might need to make it worth your effort.